This is my first post

Ear candy : What I’ve Done-Linkin Park

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

This is my first appearance here. Anyways, it has been a few days since I moved in this house of 11 people. It’s a bungalow and I’m sharing the master bedroom with 3 other ladies. The environment is different, and it kind of reminds me of the feeling that I had when I was renting back in Seri Iskandar, Perak. It’s really cool anyways. It has been just a few days and I tried to smile at those who wouldn’t even make eye contact with me and even when they didn’t smile back I didn’t really take it to heart. Yup, I don’t. In that sense, I have a feeling that I have changed slightly. At least I am further from my old self now. Baby steps. I’m getting there. Not immediately, but definitely. InshaAllah.

You know, talking about change, I am kind of desperate for it. When I resumed reading Purification Of The Heart, by Hamza Yusuf, although I’ve finished reading the introduction and I’m supposed to go on to the next page, I can’t. I feel the need to start over again. It kind of feels like I want to absorb everything written in the book, in hope that it will change me, that it will somehow switch the ON button of my obstinate heart.

It started during our first anniversary dinner. Me and husband were waiting for our orders and while waiting, we did a post-mortem of our marriage. Discussing our lacking and things that we need to improve, I found that there’s a lot, especially when it comes to me, and it almost overwhelmed me had I not calm down by the sight of food appearing on our table.

There’s so much to change and thus began my journey here to join my husband in pursuit of piety. Ameen Ya Rabb.