Saturday 16 March 2013

where am I?

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

Heard quite a number of losses lately. A friend of mine lost his best friend few weeks back.
And just yesterday, arwah Iman passed away.
When I heard he was in ICU and that his BP that time was 40/20, I started to think that he won't make it.
Had an MVA, and heard that his liver was crushed or something.
Inna lillah wa inna ilaihi raji'un.

I am not that close to him, to be honest. I was up in the north, and he was way down there,
so we only met when there were big events like PMS, Spring camp etc, or when I went down to London.
When he died, I'm not sure of what I should feel...
Probably, yeah... it took some time for it to sink in. It was a similar feeling when my late grandfather died. I wasn't that close to him either.
When I was alone in my room later, only then I started to feel tears building up, thinking about arwah Iman.

I remember I used to avoid him... Cuz knowing how weak I am compared to him, I felt somewhat embarrassed to be even near him. I was afraid he would ask me things that I couldn't answer. I remember him and he himself admitted this, about him being "radical". Used to be afraid of him because of that. But despite that, he is a caring akh, I can tell.

Posts about him were almost always on my FB wall, updating about his condition and asking people to pray for him before he passed away, and today, still. As an akh pointed out, he wasn't that famous when lived, but now, it's almost entirely about him on my wall.

I remember a quote that I liked.
"Don't make you presence noticed, but rather, make your absence felt."
and perhaps, that's how it is with him.

It made me wonder, how will it be if it's me.
Will my absence be felt?

Don't get me wrong.
I know that whatever we do, don't do it for the recognition of men.
That's what we call sincerity. Doing everything for the sake of Allah, and Him alone.
I know there's a hadith Qudsi (I think) about 3 people being asked by Allah in the Day of Judgement.
1st is a scholar, who says he is rightful for Jannah for teaching many students, but Allah says no, cuz he did it for the sake of popularity, for people to praise him for his knowledge.
2nd is a warrior who died in the battlefield. He claimed he is rightful for Jannah, since he fought for Islam and he claimed martyrdom. But Allah says no, cuz he did it so that people will remember him for his braveness.
...and I can't remember the 3rd one...
but yeah, we do everything for Him and Him alone, no other associations.

But knowing arwah Iman for a short time, I believe I can see sincerity in him.
The way he talk, the way he do things.
And perhaps, Allah rewarded him to be a tazkirah for others, even after his death, reminding everyone that death is close and that we need to prepare for it. Wallahua'lam...

He was the same age as I am, and it's not impossible for death to come to me right after I publish this post.. or perhaps even before I get to finish it. Looking at myself now, I am pretty sure Jannah is still wayyyy out of reach... I don't serve Islam as much as I could. I didn't truly dedicate my life for Islam, despite me reading the Iftitah before Al Fatihah in my solah. Yeah, reading the Iftitah. that's what most of Muslims do, ain't it? We simply read without embracing the meaning. Where am I? Will He notice me among this crowd, or am I just like them?

For my brother Iman, may Allah bless you and your efforts for Islam, may He forgive your sins and put you among the residents of His Jannah, and better yet, if He put you among those who get to be near the Prophet. Rest in peace bro, insyaaAllah.

Zendagi migzara. Life goes on. For me and the rest of you who are still living.
Lets work for our final destination. Jannah, biiznillah...



Akhi, this is for you...