"you've gained EXP points!"

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

I have to admit that there are times after prayers that I simply read du'a and not really making du'a with raja' and khauf but when I do ask that Allah make me with stronger imaan to battle my daily trials, I often get the shudders after that. Sometimes it even made me become really careful with what I wished for.
I think it's just simply due to the experience of whenever I do make that du'a, that is when the trials gets real hard, and quite a lot of times, I failed it.

I guess it's a matter of believing in your own self, and that Allah is always there to back you up.
Believing that He doesn't test you with anything that is beyond your capabilities, and that He is testing you with what you can handle, that He KNEW that you ARE able to handle it, so why don't you yourself believe in you? Personally, it's not something that I find easy to actually plant deep in my heart. I always feel inferior, even to myself, and that is what I need to chuck out of my heart. And the irony; my complacence and procrastination.

And yes, trials are meant to teach you anyway. Trials are tarbiyyah from Allah. And well, I asked for it. I asked for a stronger imaan, and kablaammm!! Allah gives me tougher trials to make me strive for the better. Kinda like working out, or training yourself to run. You gotta push yourself for the extra mile for you to improve (which I literally need to do for my physical wellbeing TT___TT ).
Or perhaps like playing RPGs like Pokemon. You get a boost of EXP points if you fight stronger Pokemons, right? That's how life is anyway.

What was I expecting anyway? For my imaan suddenly to boost up out of nowhere? Suddenly I have such immense spiritual strength that I can resist just about any worldly attractions? I guess that's what a lot of people are expecting, and tell you what, it ain't gonna happen. Sometimes yeah, you get a boost of imaan after watching something inspiring, a great video, heard a great talk from somewhere, or simply observe something that really knocked your heart hard that it topples over in submission to Allah, and that's Allah's help for you. To maintain it, that's the harder part, and that is when Allah will test you greatest, based on your capabilities. Don't back down just yet. even when you feel you are weak, cuz you are indeed able to overcome it. You just have to put some more faith in yourself. Which is... yeah, quite a hard part for me...

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying "We believe" and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false. 

Al Ankabut 29 : 2-3

And I have to say, Alhamdulillah, thummal hamdulillah for He answered my prayers always readily, often immediately. He's always there, really, the Ever Listening. Rest assured, He is always there for us.
And I have to say this hundreds of times, Astaghfirullahal 'azheem! for me to not answering my own prayer after He granted it.

p/s: I've written about this same topic a lot of times already, but yeah, as I've written in my previous posts, this is me reminding myself in case I forgot. and I forget things a lot of times. these are just mainly rants for myself. heh.

mow-ney2~

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

Attended MSI last night, and it was given by a respectable man that I always look up to.
The way he explain things, it just shows that Islam was in his everyday life, as if all of Islam is in practice and he can simply answer questions and to top that, in a witty way.

Anyways, last night was about Tauhidullah, and tell you what, I've heard about the subject before, pretty much the same thing, but it revived my Iman, knocked on my heart hard and made me ponder about the recent things that I'm facing.

The greatest impact would be regarding Allah as Raazeeq, the Sustainer. I'm often worried due to the fact that I'm not yet working and I am unable to support my wife with material nafkah, often worried if she has enough to it, worried that we didn't have much contingency money et cetera.
It has always been Allah who gives, really. And to actually believe in that, is sometimes hard.
Allah is Al-Malik, the Owner of All things, thus He can give, and take anything from us at His pleasure, and we need to have redha in that. Redha, simple word, but very deep meaning.
With regards to not being able to support my wife, perhaps it's more of a sense of responsibility, being afraid that I'll be questioned about it, but yeah, Allah gives in any way possible, beyond our imagination.
And alhamdulillah, just yesterday we've got quite a huge sum of money (well, to me that's huge). Oh well, it's her money, I believe.

And then he pose a question. How come there's still suffering and poverty and starvation when Allah is indeed the Sustainer?
That brings us to the problem of distribution. We need to acknowledge that some are given wealth of some kind, and in it are proportions that are meant to be distributed, that are meant to be a rizq of others.
Yesterday's talk brought us about the many problems with governments (and not just Malaysian, really) and gave me some insight on how a Muslim government's attitude should be with regards to treating the Non-Muslims etcetera. Such a beautiful country/world if Islam was ever implemented fully.
Who should we prioritize when giving scholarships, wealths etcetera. We've allowed us to be hated due to the injustice that we are doing now.

And there's also some parenting tips shared.
Age 0-7 years old is the play and exploration period, not the discipline period, so perhaps, we should just let our children play.
Age 8-14, the discipline period. During this period is also the period when solat should be introduced, and by the age of 10, we are allowed to hit our child if he doesn't want to pray. But of course, hitting with love.
15-21 is somewhat the period to be friends with them, if I didn't hear it wrongly... huhuhu... of which the period that we can't treat them like kids anymore. It's demoralizing them, actually.

And with regards to rizq, I respected him when he said that his family rarely eat KFC and such cuz he feels that it is a waste. You are paying more for the branding and promotion and not really for the food. He often compare the price with how many more people can he share a food with the same price. E.g. KFC vs if he buy a chicken and cook for ikhwahs. and yeah, that is how I feel sometimes. But well, sometimes you feel like you want some luxury for yourself and can't seem to resist it sometimes... *sigh*
Hopefully me and my family can live humbly, thinking about others as well as we eat and do things, being grateful with everything we have. And it starts with me.

Alhamdulillah...

strong