ideals

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem
In the name of Allah, Most Merciful Most Gracious

Each week we'll have a seminar where we'll discuss a case, and at the end of the case study, there will some ethical questions. Latest one is about a dengue patient, with DSS. Potentially fatal,bbut alhamdulillah she recovered, and she wanted to claim her insurance, but in the agreement, dengue fever was not stated, so she couldn't claim it. She needed the money to pay the bills (our lecturer estimated the cost of about RM80 000) and she's a 4th year medical student. 1 more year and she don't have enough money for her fees as she needed to pay for her medical bills.
She came to see the doctor (me, in that simulated case) and asked to not state dengue in the report.
So, what should I do?

I kind of interested in my lecturer's comment.
He said, we tried to teach you about moral and ethics, but in this kind of world, we can never run away from the issue of money.

I remember in my adolescent years,
I imagined a life without money.
Money is considered evil. Everything is free, no charge.
No need to do business, we just give services to one another.
Hungry, just go to any restaurant and eat. The restaurant owner don't have to pay the bills, cuz he can give food to the water/electricity provider, or anyone else can. Doctors help to cure everyone for free. No expensive medical bills no one can't afford. Garbage collectors help everyone by keeping the place clean. Everyone help each other, no charge at all.

I kept on thinking, why can't everybody just understand that we can compliment each other and we don't need money to pay people. An ideal world of mine. heh. Sungguh tak matang punya pemikiran.

I thought that everyone is selfish. Everything should come with a price. Doctors learnt medicine for at least 5 hard years, and garbage collectors don't need such education, so how is that fair to get no pay for the service? Just for an example. Everyone thinks that they've worked hard for themselves. To gain something
for themselves. Not thinking about others.

Remember a quote I saw written on a piece of Post-It in a friend's room.
"We live simply so that others can simply live".
Catchy, and perhaps there are some truths in it.
We often make things complicated for ourselves (read: myself) and end up making others suffer as well, with or without us realizing it.

I still do wonder if such a world could exist.
A world without greed and selfishness.

And oh yeah, we were often provoked to think of emotional factors in making medical decisions. Lots of methods and scoring systems were designed to help us make objective decisions rather than subjective decisions. A way to exclude emotions as an influence.
E.g. the concept of triage. Triage = sorting out. Patients are sorted out according to the severity of their illness and different scoring system calculates who should doctors see first, and avoiding things like "just because this fella is a relative of mine, so he should be seen first" kinda thing. Often a dilemma for doctors, especially when relatives yang persoalkan. Still, I don't think we humans can run away from having emotions. We are not robots, executing commands based on purely facts and figures. It's a blessing that we're given emotions, even bad ones, cuz we can't see the good unless we know the bad.
And again, money issues. Menteri, VVVVIPs always get to be seen first. why? money, status, power. how fair can things be?
Happens all the time, as said by my lecturer.

So, I wonder when and how can things change.
People get advantages just because they have money and power,
the more needy ones are left behind.
I hate that kind of mentality, that we need to respect someone just because they are have a title stuck to their name, just because they are "someone".
Well, my definition of "someone" and "respectable ones" are not the same.
I pray that in the future when I do start my career, I won't be the one with the dollar, RM, pound sterling or whatever currency signs in my eyes down to my heart.

Well, this is the world we're living in.
So, whaddaya say?

with love,
~hS

company

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim

Setelah berbulan rasanya ter"cuti" dari usrah,
struggle balik-balik cari orang nak contact etc etc,
akhirnya usrah bermula dan few times after that, daurah pertama sejak kembali.
Have to say, sesungguhnya merindui perasaan itu, dan diri ku yang ter"tinggal" bila dah lama tak merasai.

Membuatkan terfikir, betapa TZ tak cukup kuat,
dan betapa bi'ah/environment/surrounding tu sangat penting dalam menentukan macam mana kita.
Suka dengan quote ni, which I've posted a few times dalam blog lama pun.
You are the average of 5 people you're closest to.
Dengan berkawan dan bersahabat, we just can't help to be influenced dengan masing-masing.
Masing-masing give and take, dan up to us untuk pilih apa yang nak give and take. Boleh jadi kita tak sengaja atau sengaja untuk give bad/good things, dan juga at the same time take good/bad things. Yang penting aware.

Dan membuatkan terfikir,
bi'ah yang ku berada sekarang, am not as ideal as I'd hope.
Mengenangkan suasana masa daurah tu,
memang tak pelik kalau masa tu lain, masa ni pula jadi lain.
Again, menggambarkan TZ yang tak cukup mantap.
Jujurnya, terasa sangat-sangat segan dengan semua orang masa daurah tu. Terasa am not one of them. Rasa tak patut rasanya berada di situ, among them great people.

Dan membuatkan terfikir,
since bi'ah sekarang tak cukup baik seperti yang diharapkan,
persoalan sekarang ialah, why not YOU make that bi'ah a better one? Persoalan next step setelah kita cuba usaha untuk perbaiki diri, dan tak berhenti sekadar pada diri sendiri, kita usaha influence orang lain untuk sama-sama jadi baik.

Well, persoalan basic. Guess I needed to go back to the basics. Dan jujurnya diri ini masih banyak kelemahan yang kena dibaiki tapi harusnya berusaha dan berusaha.
Dan sefahamnya saya, usaha yang terbaik adalah praktikal. Susah untuk sekadar bercakap dan bercakap, sedangkan diri sendiri tak buat, dan orang tengok pun, "apahal cakap berapi tapi sendiri macam tu?"
Orang melihat dan orang tetap menilai, what they should take from you. Teruskan beramal soleh, dan indirectly orang sekeliling akan terkesan. Be one of the 5 person closest to a friend.

Dan persoalan bilangan pun penting.
5 person. Kalau lagi ramai, lagilah besar kesannya.
Imagine Nabi Muhammad sorang-sorang nak implement undang-undang Islam tanpa orang lain faham dan bersetuju, maka of course kena reject habis-habisan. Membuatkan terfikir, sekarang sibuk nak amalkan hudud, tapi ramai orang tak faham, dan tak ada sistem yang mencegah, macam mana orang nak terima? I'm not against hudud, of course. It's just there are other necessary measures need to be taken sebelum orang boleh terima.

Dan one of the measures adalah meramaikan orang yang faham.
Dia macam.. not sure how should I put it, tapi imagine dalam satu ruang/bilik, berbincang tentang something, dan bila dah ramai orang setuju sesuatu dan faham sesuatu, yang tak berapa faham ni akan turut sama tersetuju, dan in a way pun akan menyebabkan dia wonder, apa yang aku tak faham macam dorang faham? Dengan suara ramai tu, seolah-olah orang akan menerima benda tu as the truth. Sort of like, "since semua orang accept benda tu as truth, mesti ada something wrong kat aku yang tak dapat nampak that truth". Dan benda ni, even benda yang tak betul pun, andai disetujui ramai, yang faham pun boleh jadi confuse apa yang betul dan salah, kalau tak firm kefahaman.

Dan hari ni saya kena bentang Al Qari'ah dalam usrah.
Pada saya penting untuk fahami arabnya instead of baca je terjemahan jadi most of the time saya akan dengan recording tafseer Bro Nouman Ali Khan, which he explained in great detail dengan words yang digunakan dalam certain surah. Last minute preparation (teruk, I know.. huuhuhuh) baru dengar recording, satu part tu dia ceritakan betapa Allah "mencilok ownership" of certain words.
Contohnya, perkataan Hajj. Sebelum datangnya Islam, hajj itu bermaksud pilgrimage to an important place. Tapi sekarang, Hajj itu exclusive kepada Kaa'bah. Semua orang faham.
Caranya, penyampaian para sahabat pada orang keliling, sampai they all accepted it.

Zaman sekarang, the same. Cuma lebih extensive dan cepat dengan media yang luas dan laju. Perkataan Google, kejap je diterima as a verb. Semua faham kalau kita cakap, "sila Google ya". Sebab ramai orang guna, maka semua pun readily terima.
Fesyen-fesyen pelik-pelik pun muncul, dan ramai terima bila ramai orang gayakan.
Pelik je tengok tudung zaman sekarang. Gaya bonggol unta tu dulu tak faham, sekarang macam dah selalu nampak. Gaya tudung Hana Tajima. Sebelum ni pelik tudung style apa ni, pastu kawan cakap tu Hana Tajima. haihhh..

Kesimpulannya, sangat mudah untuk pengaruhi/dipengaruhi orang. Both, really. Give and take. So as an individual, sangat penting untuk kita aware dan muhasabah, apa sebenarnya yang kita dah give pada orang, dan apa yang kita dah take dari orang. Kita tak sedar kalau tak muhasabah. Muhasabah. Critic diri sendiri. Fikir apa yang dah berubah dan macam mana aku boleh berubah jadi macam tu. Apa aku patut ubah lagi.

Dan andai tak berada dalam bi'ah yang ideal,
persoal diri sendiri,
kenapa tak KITA yang bina bi'ah tu?
Takkan nak terus dipengaruhi dan tak mempengaruhi dengan lebih berfokus?

This is me reminding me of the basics, in case I forgot again... 

since when I've became so... graphic? haihh~

p/s: saya bangga dengan kawan-kawan hasil didikan uni yang ketengahkan aspek biopsychosocial patient dan bukan saja merawat symptoms dan nak discharge patient keluar dari ward secepat mungkin. patient dirawat semua aspek, bukan sekadar symptoms. terbaik~!!


with love,
~hS

brain

Bismillah

warning: this is a diary-like entry. non-benficial. approach with caution.

This morning, yet again, happened another worrying incident, which some might find it funny..
Oh well, I laughed at myself too, but still, it's pretty worrying.
We have a fish pond just outside our house and I was just looking in to see the fishes when I sort of suddenly lost balance and there I go, splash! into the pond. It's been bugging me all day.

These kind of incidents often made me think if there's something wrong with my brain.
Once when I was riding my bike, I sort of suddenly... went blank and by the time I came back to my sense, I almost hit the curb and immediately hit the brakes. Didn't stop in time so I kind of flung forward due to inertia but nothing serious, alhamdulillah. Back abroad, at that time I was kind of in distress and I just sort of walked right into a lamp post, almost grazed off half of my right eyebrow.

Made me think of 1 Litre of Tears.
Heh. Kind of extreme but yeah, sometimes I can feel that I won't live long.
Death is pretty soon.
I just want to serve mankind the best I can before I die.
I want to serve Him, by serving mankind.
He said that if I were to save a soul, I'd save the whole mankind.
Let me have that chance. Before I die.


with love,
~hS