engraving it deep

It was pretty sad to see them old people.

This week's theme is about psychiatry for the old age, which covers mostly dementia of different types.

Talked to this old guy who's been there for like ages.

He was previously diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia, but now he didn't have all those psychotic symptoms anymore. No more voices, no delusions. The sad thing is, he just couldn't remember anything.

Most of our questions was answered with "I don't know.." "I can't remember".. And there were times when he seemed frustrated when answering, sounded as if he wanted us to stop asking him those questions he just couldn't answer.

He was simply… empty. Nothing. No emotion. Nothing to think about. Just sit around, doing nothing. He was sitting in front of the TV, but he wasn't really watching. Just like… total nothingness. Sad.

We asked him if he thinks that life is not worth living anymore, but no. He just don't know what to feel. Nothing to look forward to. As if he found no purpose to live anymore, but no reason to die yet too. Just, empty.

And most of them in that geriatric ward were chronic cases and they've been suffering it since ages and they had no where else to go. Some don't have any family members around anymore. Most, rejected by their own family. How sad. Sometimes I just can watch how they desperately trying to get the attention of the doctors, but yeah, the doctors are often busy and some of them just kind of ignored the oldies, really.

Made me wish that I don't want to live up to that stage when I'd suffer with dementia, not knowing anything and will be completely dependent of those around me, my kids and family, up to point they'll be frustrated with me and neglect me totally.

But the thing that scares me most is living with nothingness. Emptiness. No purpose. You just don't know what should you do on earth. Been thinking, all their life, did they ever come to know the purpose of life that Allah has given each and everyone of us? Perhaps, as it never ever came across their mind, that it was never ever engraved in their mind as well, so, perhaps that's the reason that it never ever got stuck into their mind that they've lost their purpose of living? Perhaps. Hmmm…

Heard soo many stories of previous great sheikhs who up until their last breath, no matter how handicapped they are, they just go on and do jihad and dakwah, in whatever ways they are still able to. Syeikh Yassiin, for example, and so many others. Wheelchair-bound pun, that didn't stop him. I'd imagine, old people nowadays, once they are on wheelchairs, how many of them would still be going to the mosque for their daily prayers? How many who can still go to Islamic talks etc etc? And that's only for himself. How many would be able to lead an army? How many can still give inspiring and motivating talks to the young syababs who needed their wisdom and life experience? How many can still and still want to contribute to the ummah, when all they can think of is their own death, and forgetting that they still have time to give something?

I guess it all starts when we are still young syababs. Engrave our life purposes through ilm and amal, engrave them so deep that it just couldn't fade away and eroded by the sands of time. Not just ilm, but amal is the more important thing, for ilm only sketches the drawing, but the amal will the thing that'll engrave it to our hearts and mind.

dunno how to rotate the pic.. huhu.. but this is the feedback I got from one of the patients. Seems quite a lot of people kept on commenting about my confidence....

this one is basically to test a patient's cognition. I asked him to put the hands on the clock to show it's 10 past 12. He wrote "10" after the number 12 and then draw the hand. Have a look at what he wrote under the "TUTUP MATA ANDA" tu.

With love,