shocker

Bismillah

Just finished usrah for today, and in the end, I was left with this feeling that, really, I am ungrateful towards the many blessings Allah has bestowed upon me.

I got an usrah to attend, when many others would dream one but never get the chance to have it.
It often customary, ritualistic kind of, to say at the beginning of a sitting, that we should be grateful to be able to attend such meeting, where the angels are spreading their wings over us and all, but only now I can feel how fortunate I am.
I used to complain, how my naqib should've been this way and that way, and yadda yadda, whereas me? What did I do?

I'm in a good university, studying something not everyone can pursue on, yet I'm still feeling ungrateful, feeling I should better off studying something else, something that suit me better. And it's a struggle to keep my motivation up. Well, how about this? Be grateful and use that to push yourself harder.

And really, I've got a great wife by my side (even though not physically at the moment), yet I haven't done much to improve myself as her husband...

Really, what have I been doing with my life?

As she would've said to me, suck it up!
Gotta pick myself up and get going.
It's funny when people are looking up at me, yet I'm looking down on myself.
People have hopes on me, I loose it from myself.
Suck it up, mate!

purposely took up the task for next week's usrah cuz I think I'd need it, without really thinking if I'd have time for it. but hey, you make the time for it, right?
my soul in serious need of a shock by a defib right now.