"you've gained EXP points!"

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

I have to admit that there are times after prayers that I simply read du'a and not really making du'a with raja' and khauf but when I do ask that Allah make me with stronger imaan to battle my daily trials, I often get the shudders after that. Sometimes it even made me become really careful with what I wished for.
I think it's just simply due to the experience of whenever I do make that du'a, that is when the trials gets real hard, and quite a lot of times, I failed it.

I guess it's a matter of believing in your own self, and that Allah is always there to back you up.
Believing that He doesn't test you with anything that is beyond your capabilities, and that He is testing you with what you can handle, that He KNEW that you ARE able to handle it, so why don't you yourself believe in you? Personally, it's not something that I find easy to actually plant deep in my heart. I always feel inferior, even to myself, and that is what I need to chuck out of my heart. And the irony; my complacence and procrastination.

And yes, trials are meant to teach you anyway. Trials are tarbiyyah from Allah. And well, I asked for it. I asked for a stronger imaan, and kablaammm!! Allah gives me tougher trials to make me strive for the better. Kinda like working out, or training yourself to run. You gotta push yourself for the extra mile for you to improve (which I literally need to do for my physical wellbeing TT___TT ).
Or perhaps like playing RPGs like Pokemon. You get a boost of EXP points if you fight stronger Pokemons, right? That's how life is anyway.

What was I expecting anyway? For my imaan suddenly to boost up out of nowhere? Suddenly I have such immense spiritual strength that I can resist just about any worldly attractions? I guess that's what a lot of people are expecting, and tell you what, it ain't gonna happen. Sometimes yeah, you get a boost of imaan after watching something inspiring, a great video, heard a great talk from somewhere, or simply observe something that really knocked your heart hard that it topples over in submission to Allah, and that's Allah's help for you. To maintain it, that's the harder part, and that is when Allah will test you greatest, based on your capabilities. Don't back down just yet. even when you feel you are weak, cuz you are indeed able to overcome it. You just have to put some more faith in yourself. Which is... yeah, quite a hard part for me...

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying "We believe" and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false. 

Al Ankabut 29 : 2-3

And I have to say, Alhamdulillah, thummal hamdulillah for He answered my prayers always readily, often immediately. He's always there, really, the Ever Listening. Rest assured, He is always there for us.
And I have to say this hundreds of times, Astaghfirullahal 'azheem! for me to not answering my own prayer after He granted it.

p/s: I've written about this same topic a lot of times already, but yeah, as I've written in my previous posts, this is me reminding myself in case I forgot. and I forget things a lot of times. these are just mainly rants for myself. heh.