sweet

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

a friend asked us married friends of his a question..
"are there any sweet ways to make sure your marriage is conflict-free?"

well, to that I answered:

There's no point in getting married if you want it to be conflict-free. It's part of the package, and perhaps, those are the things that'll make it enjoyable and satisfying, be it we're able to handle it accordingly, if not wisely.
There aren't any sweet ways that I know of to make it conflict-free, but there are certainly many sweet ways to handle the conflicts, and those are the things that make it sweet and beautiful.

If your own life got conflicts in it, why do you expect it to be conflict-free when you have 2 souls, 2 life joined together?

You should welcome anger, tears and frowns, cuz if you don't, they'll keep on banging on your door. Perhaps they'll leave, but they'll come back even stronger. Keep it longer and they'll be strong enough to break the door and start an amok in your house, wrecking everything you've built in it. Welcome them, let them in and entertain them. Serve them with patience and reason. After that, bid them farewell. Don't let them stay, cuz laughter and smiles will always sneak in once they're gone.

Wallahua'lam. This is actually a reminder from me after going through 5 months of marriage to the future me, who may be years older than I am now. There'll come a time when I will need to look back at these words and think.

rawrrr~

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

Was helping out the occupational therapist in Hospital Permai today to handle and teach the kids.
Quite a bunch of kids, so we were pretty exhausted.
This time, they came at the same time so it was hectic trying to control all of them.

And there was this one time when we were handling 2 kids, one with autism and the other, from the look of it, has ADHD. They couldn't stay put, especially the ADHD kid. They were running around and not following what we were saying and so, the OT lady asked me, "Zul, marah dorang sikit."
And I just smiled....

I don't know if this is a weakness or my strength, but I find it really hard to be angry at people.. even to fake one... It's like.. me trying to open up my eyes as wide as I can and tadaaa~ the widest I can open it is equivalent to a normal person's eye opening up normally.

Sometimes I can't find the reason why I should be angry with them. They were kids and I believe that they should be given the chance to explore their world at their own pace, whatever they wanted first.
But I guess such notion doesn't really apply to them. These kids have impaired focus and they'll shift their attention to something else with a snap. They are unpredictable. One minute they were playing with a drum, the next 5 seconds you'll see them hopping on the trampoline.
They need to be taught on how to focus, and so, discipline they'll need.

I wonder how will I teach my children in the future... Oh well, even to discipline myself is pretty tough..

the boy who wouldn't grow up

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

Had my 1st day of clinic for my childhood psychiatry posting and it was interesting.
There was this one peculiar case about a 7 years old kid.
He won't respond if anyone speaks to him in Malay.
When the teacher teaches "satu dua tiga..." he would just stare at her, but when she started teaching "one two three..." only then he would respond.
Whenever a friend talked to him in Malay, still he won't respond but when a friend talked to him in English, he'll play with the friend cheerfully.
What more, he's a Malay. So my supervisor suggested for him to be sent to a special education school but the mum doesn't want to. And so, "international school la~".

Oh well. There was this one case that made me think.
How will it feel like, having a child who'd be stuck at 7 years old or so?
The child was 10 going to be 11, but intellectually he is at the 7 years old milestone.
And he is really cute and adorable. Really. Oh he has ADHD by the way, plus some learning disability as a co-morbidity.
Last year I also met a 30+ years old patient but intellectually, he's about 11.
I just thought, perhaps it'll be nice to have such kids...
He'll stay a kid for us, being manja and all. He won't be those grown-up kids who would leave their parents and totally forget about them. He'll be afraid to venture out into the big bad world.
You will always have a kid.
Wouldn't that be nice?

Heh. Nope. It ain't that easy now is it? When you're old, you will want them to take care of you. You'll grow tired yourself by then, and you want them to be by your side. And I think as a parent (which obviously I'm not one yet), to see your kid grow and trying out new things and facing challenges in their own life is somewhat a great feeling. And to know that they'll need you when they need you, that is indescribable.

I guess people are just afraid of being left out. Or was it just me...? hmm..

what's your worth?

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

And so I saw this advert and I just can't help feeling disgusted. The message that I get from the ad is this: women = enjoyment/entertainment. You just cannot miss it, right? Women are being put to such a low value and treated as materials, as marketing strategies, or worse, as toys. This is probably a very harsh word but if you look around and see what's happening in the world now, there are some truth in such a statement, isn't it?

It's like we are back in the Dark Ages. Women were then sex slaves where any man can go to just to satisfy his needs or wants. More of the latter, perhaps? They were not allowed to learn and were kept in the darkness of ignorance. They don't get the respect they deserve and their value were almost nonexistent. Prostitution was as old as time and it was acceptable even up to this modern age. You can say some were paid a large amount of money for all these (i.e. high class prostitution, advert models), but to me, that just brought them to an even lower level. It just mean that they can be bought.

The sad truth is, some women just want to be "bought", if you know what I mean. They try their best to make themselves a "bestseller" even at university level, high school level et cetera. There's a lot more in a lady than her body and external beauty, true?

Now Islam acknowledges the value of women. There is even a chapter in the Quran called An-Nisa', which means women. Prostitution and slavery were slowly being erased from the cultural norm of the Arab world back then and they were encouraged to learn. There was this famous hadith that tells us that we need to respect our mother three times more than the father. In terms of leadership, Islam acknowledge the role of women as the leader of the household.

In contrast to the Arab world in the Jahiliyyah period when they would feel as if the world has come to an end when they get a daughter, the Prophet said this,

"Whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood - he and I will come (together) on the Day of Resurrection - and he interlaced his fingers (meaning in Paradise)." (Reported by Muslim). 

You get such a high privilege when you groom your daughters into well-mannered, solehah muslimahs because why, they will be the bearer of the next generations. The one whose in their hands are the future. They can change the world, you see.

There a lot of things to mention just to show how Islam put women at such a high level in the society. The point that I just wanted to stress in such a short post is that, there are a LOT more to women than just their physical attributes. Everyone needs to realize this, both men and women. The world needs new colors to it, don't you think? It's just too ugly, the way I see it. Love your sisters (appropriately), daughters, wife, and the highest in the list, your mother. Sisters, don't pay too much attention to your physique. Bring out the potentials in you, your inner beauty and you will shine a whole lot more. You not only can rock the baby to sleep, you can rock the world!



Wallahua'lam.

p/s: this kind of giving your nom de plume a different definition, ayte wifey? heheh. The Rocking Hijabi~

get

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

Two instances today reminded me of something.

My friend had diarrhoea. On our way back from Uni after the talk, his housemate wanted to buy 100plus for him to aid his diarrhoea.

We went out for dinner. The other guy didn't have the mood to go out for dinner and I only had a bike so I can only bring one person with me. Asked if he wanted us to tapau anything for him, and he said he'll text us later if he wanted anything. He didn't text. The other friend who was with me, before going back bought buns for him but turned out he was already asleep when we reach the hostel.

Simple events, really. But it reminded me, that used to be me... They didn't ask for anything, but the other friend just simply get them what they think he'd need.
What happened to me?

The past few weeks, I kept on feeling like my friends are abandoning me etc etc.
I guess it's the fear of rejection. Afraid that they'll reject my kindness or stuff.
But hey, I used to be the one giving them unconditionally, like, with just a whim, but now, why am I demanding things from them? Approval, attention..
Like, as if I should get more instead of giving more.

I should start giving again, without thinking much, without hesitation...
Forgive me my friends....

where do you live?

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

Heard this talk today by Bro Fitri who was a revert himself and few of the things he said got me thinking of how things were and how things are at the moment in my life.

He mentioned an ayat, which I used to recite every morning when I say my gratitude when I woke up. the so-called ayat seribu dinar. People put it up on walls, but they don't really know what it means. You can usually see it in mamak stalls and restaurants, for people believe that you'll get fortune easier if you put it up. I guess it's all because of the part which says that Allah will give you rizq from sources you cannot expect (roughly the meaning). It's a pity when they hung it up, but never got to know what it actually means. I kinda knew the meaning, but I guess it's not deep enough. I used to recite it in my heart, but over time it sort of becomes more of a ritual.

I realized that, I've been fretting about the future too much. Afraid that I'll flunk my 1st SSC. Afraid that I won't make a good doctor, feeling I'm not fit for it. Afraid I won't graduate. I fret over the rizq that I don't even know if it's meant to be mine or not. And at the same time, I didn't do the 1st part of the ayat, the thing that you got to do to attain those rizq that you wanted and a whole lot more He has to offer. That is to have taqwa. Only those who have taqwa, who have firm believe in Him, on His Might to give Rizq, on His Knowledge on the Qada' and Qadr, will get what He has mentioned in the ayat.

I fret over the future too much, that I don't live in the present. I feel hopeless that I don't do what I can do today. I rely on MY strength to get me to where I wanted to be, thus in other words, I pushed away the fact that He is the One who is the Granter of every wishes. I used to be more at peace years ago, when my imaan was way better than how it is now. I don't know if I've reached a level of taqwa, I really don't have the right to say that, but I can feel then was better than now. As Allah mentions in the Quran, verily, with the remembrance of Allah will come peace.

"Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction.
Ar Ra'du 13:28

Another ayat that he brought forward is from surah Muhammad verse 7.

All these verses kind of marry together. When you believe in Him, and not your own might and feeble strength, and you put your heart at rest on Him, you'll gain peace. When you are at peace, then you can achieve more and do lots more than when you are stressed out and one of the crucial things to do to prove your existence is to help Allah and in return, He'll help you, and He'll give you those rizq that you long for, and tonnes others you didn't even ask for consciously and thus you might not appreciate truly, in ways you can never expect!

So my take home message is, believe in Him, rest your heart on Him, and do more. Do more for His sake and for the deen's sake and all your worldly matters will be taken care of insyaaAllah.

This is me reminding me, because I have once forgotten, and now I am reminded, and thus I'm reminding, again...

Wallahua'lam

Sweet serenity

Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem

Saw an elderly couple today at the hospital during the ward rounds, the sweetest one yet. The husband is 74 years old and the wife, 66.

She came in due to chest pain, I think and for the past one month she was getting slower in activity.
The husband was talking to the doctor and all the while cautious about his wife. He would from time to time in a loving way say to his wife, “Jangan marah eh ayang. Takda apa..” etc etc, when he was telling the history, afraid that he'll somehow make her grumpy. And he even kissed her on the cheek in front of us, just to entertain her and make her feel at ease. The sort of kiss that you might think that they are newlyweds. Not inappropriately though.

She was also getting a bit demented the past month and started to lose some of her memory. He was just telling the doctor that once she was cooking rice when she forgot it and it end up being charred. She said to him, in a manja way, “Janganlah cerita... Malu...” and the husband just laughed and said “Takda apa ayang” while carressing her hair.

I wonder what made them still like that, so loving even up till that age. What's their secret? I could bet that if one ever get married just for the physical pleasure of theirs, they wont last that long.
I pray that if we both ever got to that age and death haven't do us part, I do hope that we'll still be together, and as loving as if we just got married.

Ameennn, insyaaAllah.