a visit to my past

bismillah

today I've got the chance to visit my old college, and really, where and when it all began.
right when I lay my eyes on the familiar landscape, I started to feel somewhat at home.
how I miss that place.
and felt pretty great when those great people of my past can still remember me.
oh well, at least recognize my face, since I am quite a silent type.
I just often appear during functions and events, snapping away snapshots of the event, or tweaking the projector and speakers and stuffs, silent, most of the time.
I find me feeling amused with myself, that I happened to go and greet and had a brief chat with a teacher who didn't even teach me, and quite a sustainable one too.
but yeah, as you can expect, she did most of the talking.
some still had our class pictures, know our names, started talking about who's got married and stuff.
and I have to say, I'm quite ashamed that I failed to remember the name of quite a number.
well, as they always say, "Cikgu memang ingat student, student yang tak ingat cikgu..."

of all those teachers, there's this one particular teacher whom I'm eager to meet.
I guess I respected her the most. she was also the advisor of a club that I'm actively participated.
a club which was created for the purpose of da'wah, really.
she took care of us, really concerned about us, not just academically but also on some personal level, the sort of relationship you don't get to have when in university.
she even took me to the club's meeting, just so that I can see how they are, and probably to let me share something. and I did. just a few snippets from my mind that I think they should know, which turned out to be a bit like a tazkirah. (saw a girl somewhat drowsy as I started talking... T___T).
can't help but think, how I've changed since then.
I wouldn't have the courage to talk to them if it was years back.

then as we went to the masjid for zuhr prayer, I can't help but smile, reminiscing the old times.
the white screen and projector of which our batch has collected money to donate to the masjid.
the verandah where the tabligh team would usually have their meetings, the other side of the masjid where our "rival" would have their usrah, the back verandah where we would just sit back and recite ma'thurat after 'asr prayer and tazkirah by anyone who would want to volunteer, while some of us would rest our head on a friend's lap, or listening to Ustaz Zahazan's tafseer on IKIM at 6.30am after fajr.

and there it is, that particular spot where we would usually have our usrah, on lazy Friday afternoons...
that particular time when things sort of start to slow down as everybody take that chance to indulge into a deep slumber, welcoming the weekend.
it was often a battle, trying to reason myself to leave my bed to go to usrah. oh well, sometimes I'm the one going from room to room of my usrahmates', to wake them up, but most of the time for the sole reason that I won't go there alone, fearing the awkward moment that was often present if I were to be left alone with my naqib. he's quite the silent type himself, so silent meets silent equals to cricket sounds louder than us.

sometimes I do wonder if he purposely chose that particular time, as a tarbiyah for us to learn to choose between the should or the want. if he did, alhamdulillah, he succeeded in that. choose iman over nafs. alhamdulillah, thummal hamdulillah for the chance for me to get tarbiyah.

well, 4 years has passed since I've left the college, and so it seems I haven't advanced much from where I left off. but nonetheless, I've learnt a lot when I was abroad, which shaped me into who I am today. alhamdulillah for His Plannings. He is indeed the Best of Planner.

alhamdulillah for that trip. I kinda needed it.
rejuvenated my spirit in some way, alhamdulillah.
one more year left for me to leave a mark in my current university.
one more year left to build a foundation in me, so that I'll be steadfast in this deen and da'wah.
insyaaAllah.
I need to make the best of it.
insyaaAllah.