mistakes

Bismillah

I am now back in Uni and had a pretty lousy 1st two days.
I don't consider myself as an A-star student, way far from it.
Am not the kind who could memorise everything, especially when there are just thousands of words,
and no pictures.

Landmarks and cardinal signs, I seemed to have missed almost all of them.
The landmarks to look for posterior tibialis pulse, dorsalis pedis, carotid artery,
those kind of stuffs, which I would usually have a wild guess and put my fingers on them,
and I can't describe the landmarks which are pretty basic, I think.
Basic anatomy, basic physiology, basic stuff here and there, lost them all.
Need to revise them all back.
*sigh*
Most of the 1st two years were gone I guess. Kind of dissapointed with myself, but yeah, this is me.
and this is how I learn. I learn more through pictorials, images and flowcharts rather than thousands of words, which rarely stuck in my head. and I learn better through mistakes.

Before, I was really afraid of making mistakes, afraid of what others might think,
like I'm stupid and know nothing,
but now, not sure why, I'm not that afraid of speaking up and make a mistake.
Cuz I think that's the best way for me to remember.
Made a few blunders a few days back in lecture, and it was embarassing at first but I don't care since now I know that what I initially thought was true is wrong. Had a good laugh at myself, and that eased the embarassment a bit. Heh.

And in reality itself, you learn more through mistakes.
You learn to be careful with needles when you once poked yourself when you were a child.
You learn to finish up your homework in time or else you'll get a whip of the cane.
These simple things you get from what you've done,
will tell you that somehow what you've done is either right or wrong,
but I think more often wrong, cuz you seldom get anything when you're right,
cuz you're right.

Commit sins, and you don't realize you've done a sin,
or you don't recognize it as a sin,
then there you go, forever repeating it since you think there is nothing wrong with it.
Realize it's a mistake, then you'll repent. Doesn't mean that you won't ever repeat it,
but realizing that it's a mistake, you'll try your best to avoid it, to keep it at bay.

and I think that is taqwa.
perhaps I've wrote about it in the previous blog, but yeah, I want to remind myself.
Umar (I think), once described taqwa as as if you are walking through this path full of thorns on the side.
You'll try your best to avoid the thorns, calculating every steps you take as to minimize the wounds you'll get at the end of the road.

to realize there are thorns in this road of life, that's taqwa.
if you don't feel the pain, you don't know they're thorns,
then you'll walking so freely not realizing you're bleeding to death.
as if you are "anaesthesized" to the worldly threats to your iman, your heart.

and I think through making mistakes, then you'll know the true value of not doing it.
Had my share of experiences. I agree with a Shaolin phylosophy,
which states that in order to feel something, you will need to feel the opposite.
You don't what happiness felt like if you don't know how sad is.
You don't know invincibility if you've never felt any pain.
You don't know hot if you've never experience cold.
We always compare, to have and to not have.

I guess this is what is lacking with born Muslims.
You just can't really compare how would it be like if you are not a Muslim.
not to say that you should try,
but we should learn the true beauty of Islam, by mainly observation and knowing why such things are designated for us human as a whole. to make sense of it. to see a bigger picture of everything.

ps: will be going to hospital tomorrow, and  we need to have a check on real life patients' heart,
looking into ECGs and Xrays. need to take a full history, including thinking about managements and this is the part I dread the most. hardly remember all those drugs! may Allah make things easy for me, and ease my way into learning all this.

pps: pakcik yang volunteer jadi patient tadi pun cakap "susah eh jadi doktor ni?"
Ya, pakcik!! but yeah, apa je yang senang. Engineer, cikgu, nothing is that easy. there's always a challenge in everything.

with love,
~hS